‘I overcame a childhood marked by my parents’ addiction’: a story of resilience – Entertainment – Culture

Katriona O’Sullivan had everything to make her life a mess.

Her family was poor, her parents -addicted to heroin- did not take care of her or her brother, and From a very young age, she faced dangers that might seem impossible for others to overcome.

She had a teenage pregnancy and was the single mother of her son John, she gave herself up to alcohol, he used drugs and saw that his life was going to be limited to cleaning public toilets.

But the appearance of a handful of key people at a time when she needed someone to pull her out of the hole eventually got her into college, graduated, earned a doctorate in psychology, and became a college professor.

This is his story, told in the first person.

I can see them clearly. They look like ghosts.

Since I was 5 years old, my parents seemed like ghosts, lifeless behind their eyes. Nothing.

I loved my parents. And seeing them die in front of my eyes, dying inside and spiritually, was horrible.

My dad was a lively, well-educated, funny man who had ruined his life.

Finding him OD’d in bed when I was very little was just horrible.

I clearly remember that I opened the bedroom door, he had his pants down and he had injected himself. I found it shattered and my heart broke at that moment. It was like I was out of my body.

I heard my own voice yelling “daddy, daddy” and then John, one of his friends, he ran up the stairs, he was terrified trying to wake him up; my dad was unconscious and on the brink of death.

I was in the room with what I thought was the dead body of a man that I really loved very much.

My dad’s friend called an ambulance and then what stuck with me the most is how the ambulance men treated my dad. These two men came and I thought they were going to come save him, but they were mad at him. I could see in them the looks I was getting myself, because I was a dirty, filthy girl.

The same thing happened with my dad. They were blaming him and you could see them roughing him up in bed.

I kept asking if my dad was dead and they ignored me as if I weren’t there.

The only person who could and had loved me was going to be taken from me. It was horrible. It’s one of those moments that are burned into me and will never go away.

From my earliest memories, it was normal to see my mom or dad shoot heroin. I would get up in the morning and there was no food in the house. There might be a loaf of bread and some sugar in the cupboard, so I’d make myself a sugar sandwich: bread, sugar, bread.

There were people sleeping in the house. There were people there from the party the night before. People I knew, people I didn’t know. I kicked cans along the way, saw cigarette burns on the couch, fights, drug use. That was my day to day.

One day I was with a friend and I saw her mother hug her, call her for lunch and make sure she is safe. I remember seeing that and thinking: ‘My mom doesn’t do that. Why don’t we have lunch? Why don’t you hug me?’ At that moment I realized that my mother was different. My mom didn’t love me. And I thought it was because there was something wrong with me.

We didn’t bathe, and that’s a problem when you go to school. I would wet the bed, get up in the morning and not have clean clothes. She didn’t brush my teeth, she hardly used to comb my hair. He was going to school probably in the clothes he had worn the day before, in the same underwear, and he obviously smelled of urine.

The children did not want to play with me because I smelled bad.

There was a knock on the door and my first thought was, “No, I’m in trouble!”

“Is your dad here?” asked Mr. Pickering, the school teacher.

I knew that my dad was drunk, that he was drinking in the living room. I called to him, he came to the door and I hid behind it.

“I was hoping to see you tonight, O’Sullivan, for a parent-teacher conference. I really wanted to tell you how amazing your daughter is, how much potential she has, and how smart she is. I really think you should be ashamed of yourself for not supporting her.” more,” Pickering said.

I could hear my dad’s shame in his voice.

This particular moment, this man going above and beyond, coming into my house, knowing little about me and defying my father, was so powerful to me, I will always be so grateful.

But with all this chaos around me, I started to fail in school.

I was an angry child, a rebellious teenager. I wouldn’t let anyone tell me what to do.

I have been a criminal since I was 13 years old. He went to school regularly, but he also skipped school and hung around stores, drank, did drugs on the weekends. She did all these crazy things, even though at the same time she thought she was going to try to be good.

At 15, despite the bad things she did, she was still naive. One day I accompanied a friend to take a pregnancy test and they tested me too.

“Katriona, it’s positive,” the woman who took care of me told me.

“Oh, that’s great. Thanks,” I replied. I thought positive meant something good.

“No, no, no. It’s positive,” he insisted.

-Yes, I’m delighted! Thank you!

-Katriona, you are pregnant.

My God. I knew at that moment that he would never go back to school.

Facing teachers with growing bellies was not something that was going to happen. I can not anymore. Threw the towel.

I went to a phone booth and called my boyfriend. I told her that she was pregnant and her response was: “Can you call me later? I’m tired.”

And so, in that loneliness, I undid myself. I sat down, leaned back, and said, “I can’t keep trying. This is as far as I’ve come. This is as far as I am.”

I remember that one day I came home and everyone was sitting in the living room. I could tell something was wrong because my brother’s eyes were red. My mom and dad said I couldn’t stay there. “We want you to go away.” And they kicked me out.

That period of my life was the hardest.

I went to live in a shelter, where nobody visited me. I was alone. Completely alone.

There is a knock on the door, I look through the little peephole and it’s Pickering, again surprising me.

“I’m so happy to have found you. I’ve arranged everything. I’ve arranged that you can come to school two mornings a week and you can do your language, literature, and math classes to finish high school. There’s a space for the childcare, so you can do it.”

I really wanted to say no, I can’t take on school. I have a baby. But it was as if this man believed in me – “I have to try because he believes in me.” And so I said yes.

I made it, although after high school I went back to being the poor woman I was before and ended up falling into drink, drugs and addiction, unable to use that boost that my studies gave me to transform my life.

I didn’t want to be my own mother. I wanted to be better. So having my son forced me to consider how to improve both emotionally and in life.

At that time, she was a cleaner at the train station. It was the dirtiest place you could ever see in your life. I remember cleaning toilets thinking: is this it?

I just didn’t know anyone who had done anything different. I didn’t know anyone like me who went to college. I didn’t know anyone I could relate to.

While in Dublin I met up with an old friend who was studying at Trinity College.

She came from a poor background like me so I thought: if she can do it, I can do it.

I went to the Trinity College Principal’s office, knocked on her door, and she answered me.

“Karen is my friend and she told me that she is studying here. I love to read and I want to change my life,” I said between stammers.

She sat me down and asked me to tell her my story.

Without knowing it, that was being my interview to enter Trinity College.

Every lecture I give, I start with my own story. I tell them where I come from, what my family is, and how I grew up. That’s me.

I feel different, but I also feel that I need to be true to who I am and make sure that people know that people like me can achieve the same as everyone else.

* The personal testimony of Katriona O’Sullivan is collected in an episode of the BBC World Service radio program Lives Less Ordinary. You can listen to it in English by clicking here.

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